The Depressed Witch
If you’ve been following the blog, or you’re reading this later and paying attention to the dates, you’ll notice there’s a two-week break between now and the previous post. In the interest of transparency, I feel it’s important to explain my absence with more than just exclamations of a busy life.
I’m typically a private person; I consider compartmentalizing a sort of special skill. So, I originally intended to keep these posts related only to Maiden’s Circle business and separate from my personal life. The issue with that is Maiden’s Circle was born from an aspect of my life that is very personal. The core of Maiden’s Circle is my belief in the Divine and desire to serve Her. It comes from my desire to reach out to the Pagan community and, in turn, deepening my own relationship with the Goddess.
Unfortunately, there are times when I fall into a depressive state and, during those times, I have a knack for shutting down. I have cycled through these depressive states since adolescence. After being evaluated and diagnosed, I tried different medications and was in and out of therapy. Over the years, and with plenty of help, I’ve learned many coping skills, and practicing Wicca has been one of them. Even with what I’ve learned so far, I know there’s still a long road ahead of me. It might sound cheesy, but recovery isn’t a destination.
That said, I have found myself in a low cycle. In the last few months, life has thrown a few curve balls my way, the aftermath of which I’m still dealing with. In response, I withdrew and nearly fell back into old habits. My days consisted of my day jobs and Netflix or game binges before bed. This is fine on occasion, but I wasn’t doing any work at all towards my goals. I couldn’t write; I didn’t even want to think about MCCA. I didn’t meditate or read or any of the things I’ve come to rely on to maintain a sense of balance. Instead of taking steps to improve, I almost gave up on myself and my goals!
I’ve given up before; as a teen, I harmed myself. I am not that person anymore. I’ve learned too much and there are so many more experiences to look forward to. However, I will never experience anything if I don’t move forward. If I allow myself to stagnate, then I will remain in this darkness. For me, that is absolutely unacceptable.
So, I’ve taken a vacation. This trip was planned months ago, but the timing couldn’t be any better. I need space from work and other societal obligations. I need this time to reconnect with myself, with nature, with my goals.
There’s an idea I often share, that you can’t help anyone if you aren’t okay. It’s one of the ideas I live by. I have to be well if I am to do any good for the world around me. One of the first steps I’ve taken to be well has been to start re-reading one of my favorite books. I’ve also begun bullet journaling, getting outside a little more, and, of course, writing this post. There’s still a mountain to climb ahead of me, but these little steps have already made me feel a bit more balanced.
Depression has been a long journey, and has never been easy–to deal with or to discuss with others. I’m grateful for the community here, those of you reading this. I’m grateful for those of you affiliated with Maiden’s Circle and others in the Pagan community. I’m grateful for my friends, witchy or otherwise, who have been a constant source of support. And, again, I am always grateful for you, the readers.
Expect more regular posts in the coming weeks. I’ll try to return to a regular writing schedule, but there may also be transplants from some of my other writings or even guests posts. Thank you for being a part of my journey, and for allowing me to take part in yours.
Deepest blessings and love,
Lady Morgana Brighid, MCCA HP